hope & negativity

I have a few things to say. But first, I would like to introduce my cousin, Bay:

Bay is my hero. He is one of 5 siblings in a family that continues to amaze me. In fact, all 7 of them are my heroes, but I want to show you Bay for one reason: his perseverance in hope. 


This morning, Austin and I came to some conflict, of which we took an hour to work through. It all started as Austin read from some notes he had been taking, and I quickly fell apart. I automatically assumed the points were negative, and felt my (usual and intense) need to control, both him and the situation. While the need to control has been an issue I have been working through with God, praying desperately for Him to break and change me, this situation was rooted in something else. That's what the hour took to find out.


After going back and forth with the usual symptoms and root sins we both own up to, I was left overwhelmed and heavy. Austin graciously loved me through it all. At once, I broke down crying. I kept thinking, and saying, "I can't be overcome with negativity anymore." It's just too much to fight. This past semester has had its fair share of disappointments, frustrations, victories, pains, celebrations- but hope hasn't been so easy. 


I love the big picture, looking up and over, to see what could be. Hope must be the cornerstone of the big picture, otherwise what are we living for? 


My positivity and hope has been met with roadblock and wall, passivity and downright negativity. I am just so tired of it. I think that was the heart of breakdown this morning, the potential for negativity again. Although I wish I were not so led by emotion, I must admit negativity has a certain power over me. It is the enemy of hope, of remembering, of celebrating. As I cried out that negativity is killing me, and I need to live, Austin (gently, of course) grabs my hand and says,


"we will hope. we will remember God's goodness and what He is doing. After everything, we will hope!"


That's when I thought of Bay. He has been through so much this year, he and his family. After concussions, broken wrists and arms, and most of all a removed brain tumor, Bay has the most incredible demeanor. He rides it out like a slow wave. Everyone is drawn to his perseverance, and mostly to his refusal of negativity. I see hope. Thanks Bay, for teaching me (and all of us) so much.  


We smile because we can, we have hope, and hope does not disappoint. He will not disappoint. 


KM

the house hunt begins...

For those of you who know Austin and I well, that title makes us nervous! We have done a lot of gabbing in the past about houses being so far off in our future, wanting to buy a house in cash, etc. Well, we do a lot of gabbing. We are considering taking the plunge. 


 Looking for a house (to buy...you read correctly) raises so many questions in our minds: are we too young? are we really willing to commit to this city? Is this the wisest for our family and our pocketbooks? Above all these questions, though, one stands out louder than the rest: do we really trust God in all this?


I (Kayla) have recently been wrestling through this nasty beast of a habit called control. I've needed control over things in my life for so many reasons, manifesting in most aspects of life. Though God has grown me greatly, I am more and more aware of it ever day. As Jesus and I continue to wrestle through this, it is no surprise to me what trusting God with finances, a potential neighborhood, risks, committing to a city, and learning to heed my husband's direction has surfaced control issues beyond what I even knew were there. It's humbling. 


So, the question I'm now asking: am I stewarding my trust, or just my finances? Am I trusting God with all of me, surrendering (not only) our desires to settle roots but my fear of failure?


We would love to invite you into this process with us by asking you to pray. Pray for God's wisdom, vision for owning a home (serving neighbors, living missionaly, stewardship), and the finances to do so. We were recently introduced to those 3 simple prayer-points by wise men at our church. Please join with us.


-the macs

this weekend, visually

Coming to Knoxville has been restful and enjoyable, but funny enough, we still have responsibilities, and decisions to make. Decisions best made at Panera.

A, mom, and dad crafted this puzzle in a few short days.

Micalea Grace and K, glad to be around sisters.

the design.

the creation (first timer at spray-paint, ok?)

Are we related?

Big kid and grandson.

A, K, & Ben...the most hilarious child yet.

blogging vs i love to design blogs

I am almost positive I have spent more time designing and re-designing our blog than I have actually writing for it. What fun it is to have change at your fingertips. Perhaps due to our daily "work" being slow, processional change, I love the ability to design and create in just a few [hundred] clicks.


We are home in Knoxville this week, spending Christmas with my (kayla's) side of the family. Mom and Dad pull up the driveway, returning from the hospital and leaving Bay and Janette there for the night awaiting Bay's surgery in the morning. He broke 2 places in his wrist, to top off the year of brain and eye surgeries (what a kid/trooper).


We love being around family, it feels close. No space, in more ways than one. I, in particular, have loved this trip for many reasons. I am refreshed by being known and loved, embraced by the fields and hills of the Valley, renewed in my mind (and in process) by the Holy Spirit, reminded of advent and the coming of our King, excited by books...and lots of them...that I am currently reading, rejuvenated by art, mainly drawing and dabbling a tad in graffiti (you can ask about that one), and so much more.


I have had space, and no space. Space to hear, see, breathe, create, and be re-created. And no space, feeling the depth of closeness. Let it be!




KM

project dia: dec 24 & some recommendations

'spice'

Some musical album suggestions:

-     Gregory Alan Isakov's This Empty Northern Hemisphere

-     She & Him's A Very She & Him Christmas

-     JJ Heller's Deeper

-     Audrey Assad's The House You're Building

-     Iron & Wine's Our Endless Numbered Days

-        Prince Royce's Prince Royce

-      Sara Groves' O Holy Night

A few sundays ago, Austin declared before the body of Christ at Park that he has been washed clean by the blood of Jesus, and was baptized. Identifying with Christ in his death & resurrection, Austin could not have been more thankful, nor elated. Brian, one of Park's pastors and becoming a friend, baptized Austin. We were privileged to celebrate with some friends from back home in Knoxville, the Beebes! 

Reid, Robin, and their 5 boys were in Colorado for training as they prepare to move to Africa. Please join with us in praying for them as they raise support, prepare their family for a huge move, and for the people they will minister to with the Gospel. 

glad

Our soul waits for the Lord; He is our help and our shield.

For our heart is glad in him, because we trust in his holy name.

Let your steadfast love, O LORD, be upon us, even as we hope in you.

-Psalm 33:20-22