november 22

Knoxville, Tennessee

We are home again today, and the first time I have been hit with rest. Real rest, for my soul. I got to have breakfast with a soul friend, and the reunion was long overdue. A warm Chai over great, easy conversation. You know the friends you can pick up with at any moment, regardless of distance or time, really see them, and speak deeply into each other's lives? Ya, she is one of them. I was challenged, to set my hope on Christ regardless of how deep my walk with him seems to be, or how righteous I think I have become. In all of the mess of the past few months, as God has been deconstructing me and surfacing old wounds, and the impressions or chains they have made on my life, I have made it once again about production. Now, the thing I measure my success with is how "different" or "free" I am in response to all that God is doing. Instead of receiving from and resting in Christ alone, I have begun to do this on myself again. Wow, roots grow deep.

Allison reminded me this morning, "It was God who broke your box of glass around you, and now that you are trying to glue it back together around you, do you think it will be you that breaks it this time? Return to Him, and trust Him!" Whew. I want to trust God again to destroy the chains and all the "shelters" I run to aside from Christ. He is my refuge, right?

As the day progressed, I was feeling more and more alive. Austin and I went on a bike ride, conquering this hill near my house that I looked at in laughter before. We jokingly yelled, "Hard Work! Determination!" (all you Biggest Loser fans can join along) as we climbed. I knew it was God's rest in me that enabled me to love that moment, and that was worth way more than scaling some hill.

We came home to see my Aunt's arrival with her children, the youngest of which I have not met yet. I have been longing for this moment. She is gorgeous. And playful, sweet tempered, easy-going. What a delight it was to have her around today, and to visit with my other cousin and Aunt. 

Last night, I asked God to give me eyes to see. A storm rolls in from the North, as it always does over the hill across from my house. The weeping willow, though I cannot see her now, probably sways in the strong gale, reminding me of the one whom we planted her for. Cookies are made, freshly iced by young hands who are blind to pattern and precision. They love to paint. I wonder what else God will give me eyes to see today.

Stillness. Thanks be to God.

(Happy Birthday, Cait)