Keen Hearing, Heightened Senses

Rustle. Stirring. Snort. Wriggle. Babbling. Grunt. 1...2...3....4...5...Ok, he's still breathing. I can now hear everything. I thought I had ears like a dog before Malacai entered our story, but I would now describe my hearing as keen to say the least. All my senses are on overload, and my emotions...well, let's leave that out of this blog for another day. I cannot believe little Cai will be a month old tomorrow. God has been so good to us. God gave me a word the other day: Grounded. I'm nervous to even write it in public because of the potential of growth that could be coming my way.

The hardest day of being a new mom happened 2 weeks ago. An abscess was growing large on my tailbone, and Malacai had finally fallen asleep in his swing. I was in tears, knees on our hand-made wooden bench with my arms propping up my exhausted body over the table. The words of God could not seep into my eyes, mind, heart, fast enough. "they have forsaken me, the fountain of Living Water..." I have been doing once again the very thing Jeremiah warned us against. I had built my cistern, full of cracks and holes, to catch lifeless water from (the appearance of) being "supermom". I want control, and what I mean is...I want to control my life. I want to run the show, and I want people to know that I know what I'm doing (ok moms, laugh with me now). I think the whole point so far of being a mother is learning just that: you are not in control, your life is not your own. I have to confess, at 2 weeks old I was concerned about getting my son on a schedule so other moms wouldn't be disappointed in me. We finally got to the root of our "should we give him a pacifier?" issue when we realized we both wanted to prove we could be good parents without it. Ugly sin showing it's face.

In tears bent over the Word of God once again, I wondered how I would look to the Living Water instead of my own ways. I wondered how I could learn to be a Godly parent when it seems so inexplicable. God then spoke through Jesus to my heart when he said, "To find your life, you must lose it. To lose your life you will find it." Oh, this is where life is found. In my loss of self, I find my greatest joy and abundant life - in Jesus alone. Becoming a mommy sure does that for you.

My daily desperation finds its peace when I am in tears, huddled over my son speaking words of life like "His power is made perfect in our weakness...therefore I will boast all the more gladly in my weaknesses..." and "Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, my steadfast love will never leave you, nor my covenant of peace forsake you" DEEP BREATH. Words of life over me and my son as we play alone all day, usually left only with my thoughts and a sweet face staring back at me.

I am so thankful our story has a good Author, and I can trust Him with each day. My joy is found Him. My abscess eventually got taken care of (praise Jesus!), we are getting much more sleep these days, my mom came in town and blessed us deeply with encouragement and companionship, and most days I begin and end with laughter. God has written such a good story.

Eventually, Malacai woke up from his sleep and pulled me away from hovering over the Word. I picked him up and walked over to the window where I saw our neighbors tree. I asked God for a word for me. I initially thought "rooted" would be a good word, but that is not the one God had in mind. I'm not ready to be rooted. I need solid ground, good soil. Grounded. I can only imagine what Yahweh has in store this year.

themelioō "to lay the foundation, to found. To make stable, establish. 

The past few days have been really special. Last night we were overwhelmingly blessed by our family at Park Church with a baby shower. Our friends took time to pray over us and Baby Mac and shower us with gifts. We are so thankful for God's family here in Denver, and are overwhelmed with gratefulness to how He provides us with community. We look so forward to welcoming this little one into our family at Park. 

Full of thanks for our dear friends at Park! 

Before going to the party, though, one thing had to be done. Austin was more than ready to cut his hair. So, we did it. After months and months of growing it out, Austin's locks are gone. I have to say, he looks studly either way, but now I can see his neck. 

I mean, it was a lot of hair. 

Lookin' good. 

This morning our team met for our weekly development time. This is usually a team meeting set aside for looking into the issues and needs we have as a team working in a contextualized, cross-cultural scenario. Jason led us in a time of watching a speaker named James White, once on staff with CRU serving in the Impact Movement. The heart of Impact is to serve and minister to students of African descent. James White spoke on the story of Jesus and the Samaritan woman, encouraging us with Jesus' often scandalous cross-cultural ministry. I was reminded that crossing cultures is all a part of the bigger picture and goal of making God known as the Savior of the world. This is ultimately why we do what we do. That Latino students, like we desire every person, would know that Jesus is the Savior of the world. That He is not just the God of white people, or black people, but of every tribe and tongue. So thankful for that time. 

We also had a great opportunity today to sit at a round table at the Auraria campus with 12 other campus ministers, pastors, and professors directly involved in serving students in Denver, specifically at Auraria. We were able to share stories of the semester and pray for each other. It was such a privilege to hear from men and women who have been praying and laboring at Auraria for 15+ years, long before we came! You can be praying for these ministries and faculty as they seek to share Christ with students and come alongside them in their journey. Please be praying specifically for those working with International students across the city, particularly as God continues to give them favor among students from the Arabian peninsula. What gifts those people are to us! 

Students now gather in our living room for the last Familia Dinner of the semester. I am typing from bed, as I am exhausted from a long day- and feeling more and more like I am only 3 weeks away from our due date! I can hear students sharing life, laughing, and enjoying one another. Thanks to God! 

Tivoli, the student union at Auraria, at night.

Austin works very naturally in the kitchen. We think it's because he is Italian. I (K) cannot say how thankful I am for this great feature of him - and he enjoys it! I hope our kids don't hold my lack of cooking skills against me, though I can pack a lunch like nobody's business.

I have recently been taking Mondays as a "rest/work from home" day, as the baby approaches. Everyone seems to think this is a great idea, but leaving me at home basically just means I am going to make a wreath (among other things). Here is my second wreath every made...Grandmom & Mom should be so proud.

And here is the first one, with my beautiful mama: