Today

What a day! The summer is bringing such warmth and hints of newness to our souls, after a long season of transition, which of course includes loss, discovery, disillusionment, fear, pain, sin, surprises, and tears. 


Tonight, we went to Park Church...not to the building, but we sat on park benches in our neighborhood with our pastor and his wife. The kids played with newly-made neighborhood friends on the playground. Lightning lit up the sky intermittently, giving us surprises of sight as dusk became deeper. We shared about our year, they offered sweet care, insight, and direction, and prayed for us. They prayed for us on a park bench in the dark in our neighborhood. We left, and as their oldest daughter grabbed my hand to walk, I began to sing, aloud


these words:


I can see morning, I can see morning, I can see morning. 
Just lift up your head, and you will see it too.


I'm now in my bed, thinking over the day. And I looked up the words to that song, by Jill Andrews, an incredible folk singer from my hometown. The lyrics are like a gift to me in this moment, telling me something true.


gotta go
gotta go
gotta find the answer
gotta find
gotta find a way back home
gotta look
gotta look in every direction
till you find
till you find you're not alone

there are people everywhere lookin out for you
holding their hand out for your hand
i hope someday you see 'em there too
standing right beside
right beside of you



[and later on...]


you can say that i've always been wrong
you can say that you're way too far gone
you can tell me to look the other way
you can tell me to stay and i'll stay




I know you can't get into my head to make sense of all that, but something is shaking me. I've felt in many ways like I have lost a sense of who I am, giving the power of that definition away to anyone with a voice. I am slow to grasp the transforming truth that the Lord's voice is the only one that matters. I gotta go find the answer, find a way back home...and as I start, I hear God saying "you're not alone." It will be a long journey, but I want to know His voice again, the One who is Sovereign and reigns over everything. The One who says, and it is so. The One who tells me who I am, and is my identity. 


Brian prayed that the Gospel would be a taproot in our lives, always seeking more and more, growing in depth and root. I want to pray this, too. 

http://science.howstuffworks.com/dictionary/plant-terms/root-info.htm

just enjoy...

Austin is always the one the background, doing all the work that no one sees. At the last familia dinner of the year, we took a group photo. Austin, of course, took all the great shots. He eventually wanted to be in one, so here's to Austin...he got in the picture. 

To texas and beyond...

Home, sweet, home. We will be heading to Fort Worth tomorrow, driving through beautiful New Mexico & sparse west Texas. We have grown to admire the beauty of the drive, the rock formations as we pass the CO border down into NM and the giant wind farms in Texas. 

I (kayla) have never looked so forward to being home, though Tennessee is still a long way off. As my good friend once wrote, "I miss my family. How do I learn to live with this ache?Is it even right to do that? The same family whose absence leaves a big hole also gives me this slow, low beat that says, 'it will be okay.'" I agree to the utmost. 

It's mother's day, and I long to be with mine. My mother is quiet strength, inward beauty. She is fighter, deep lover. Unceasing prayer, a gentle touch. Gatherer, celebrator, affirmer. What a giver, of affection, mercy, time, teaching. All with such humility that would leave her without regard to herself on any painful day. I am who I am because of her. Momma, I love you. Happy mother's day. 

We will travel steadily over the next two weeks, feel free to check in on our adventures.