hope & negativity

I have a few things to say. But first, I would like to introduce my cousin, Bay:

Bay is my hero. He is one of 5 siblings in a family that continues to amaze me. In fact, all 7 of them are my heroes, but I want to show you Bay for one reason: his perseverance in hope. 


This morning, Austin and I came to some conflict, of which we took an hour to work through. It all started as Austin read from some notes he had been taking, and I quickly fell apart. I automatically assumed the points were negative, and felt my (usual and intense) need to control, both him and the situation. While the need to control has been an issue I have been working through with God, praying desperately for Him to break and change me, this situation was rooted in something else. That's what the hour took to find out.


After going back and forth with the usual symptoms and root sins we both own up to, I was left overwhelmed and heavy. Austin graciously loved me through it all. At once, I broke down crying. I kept thinking, and saying, "I can't be overcome with negativity anymore." It's just too much to fight. This past semester has had its fair share of disappointments, frustrations, victories, pains, celebrations- but hope hasn't been so easy. 


I love the big picture, looking up and over, to see what could be. Hope must be the cornerstone of the big picture, otherwise what are we living for? 


My positivity and hope has been met with roadblock and wall, passivity and downright negativity. I am just so tired of it. I think that was the heart of breakdown this morning, the potential for negativity again. Although I wish I were not so led by emotion, I must admit negativity has a certain power over me. It is the enemy of hope, of remembering, of celebrating. As I cried out that negativity is killing me, and I need to live, Austin (gently, of course) grabs my hand and says,


"we will hope. we will remember God's goodness and what He is doing. After everything, we will hope!"


That's when I thought of Bay. He has been through so much this year, he and his family. After concussions, broken wrists and arms, and most of all a removed brain tumor, Bay has the most incredible demeanor. He rides it out like a slow wave. Everyone is drawn to his perseverance, and mostly to his refusal of negativity. I see hope. Thanks Bay, for teaching me (and all of us) so much.  


We smile because we can, we have hope, and hope does not disappoint. He will not disappoint. 


KM

the house hunt begins...

For those of you who know Austin and I well, that title makes us nervous! We have done a lot of gabbing in the past about houses being so far off in our future, wanting to buy a house in cash, etc. Well, we do a lot of gabbing. We are considering taking the plunge. 


 Looking for a house (to buy...you read correctly) raises so many questions in our minds: are we too young? are we really willing to commit to this city? Is this the wisest for our family and our pocketbooks? Above all these questions, though, one stands out louder than the rest: do we really trust God in all this?


I (Kayla) have recently been wrestling through this nasty beast of a habit called control. I've needed control over things in my life for so many reasons, manifesting in most aspects of life. Though God has grown me greatly, I am more and more aware of it ever day. As Jesus and I continue to wrestle through this, it is no surprise to me what trusting God with finances, a potential neighborhood, risks, committing to a city, and learning to heed my husband's direction has surfaced control issues beyond what I even knew were there. It's humbling. 


So, the question I'm now asking: am I stewarding my trust, or just my finances? Am I trusting God with all of me, surrendering (not only) our desires to settle roots but my fear of failure?


We would love to invite you into this process with us by asking you to pray. Pray for God's wisdom, vision for owning a home (serving neighbors, living missionaly, stewardship), and the finances to do so. We were recently introduced to those 3 simple prayer-points by wise men at our church. Please join with us.


-the macs

this weekend, visually

Coming to Knoxville has been restful and enjoyable, but funny enough, we still have responsibilities, and decisions to make. Decisions best made at Panera.

A, mom, and dad crafted this puzzle in a few short days.

Micalea Grace and K, glad to be around sisters.

the design.

the creation (first timer at spray-paint, ok?)

Are we related?

Big kid and grandson.

A, K, & Ben...the most hilarious child yet.