Shattered.

I expected exhaustion. The train of our lives has yet to stop over the last year, only adding boxcars at each station...approaching slowly enough to see the stop, and then chugs again in perpetual motion.

I was pretty much over it by the time mid-summer hit. I expected to head into our summer project to the Dominican Republic with anticipating tiredness, both clueless and friendless. Our life has been adventurous & joyful. I have never entertained the thought of hopelessness; never crossed my mind. Yet, I have been tired. The weeks before we left, I was getting sick almost every day. (No, we are not pregnant) The emotional build-up of the past, rarely stopping to be vulnerable or needy, was the catalyst for sickness. Again, I was over it. Knowing the weight of the patterns I was gathering in not allowing others in or the time to rest, I was afraid to move onto another boxcar of movement. Another thing to add to the list of things I "needed to process," and another group of people I would have to leave.

BUT GOD had a very different plan. I wish I could share all of it, but there will be a time. God has provided the space to be vulnerable. Have you ever seen TLC's "10 years younger"? Subjects on the show are put in a glass box, placed in the middle of a popular public place, and commented on without their knowledge of what is being said. They are completely on display, but not effected. I often described my life in this way. Able to let anyone see what is going on in my life, often very transparent. Yet I lacked vulnerability. What a difference. I would not allow anyone to penetrate the glass.

I know God has broken the glass. This trip to the DR has given me wings, and yet grounded me in a sort of way that only Jesus can do. With every step, I have less control, able to be more vulnerable, and feel loved deeper by the Lord. I have Jesus to thank for that. For the space to be here. For breaking the glass. For giving me opportunities to say yes to vulnerability. For a husband who is patient, kind, faithful, and pursues me. For friends here who get me. Maybe even a kindred spirit. Thanks Jesus, for shattering my reality. I am terrified, but you never pass me by.

Republica Dominicana

We are heading to the DR this coming Tuesday, joining with students from across the country to serve the people of Santo Domingo. We are humbled that God would call us to this country, with these students & staff, to reach students with the hope of Jesus.

We wanted you all to come to know and love our team as we do. We have listed prayer requests from students & staff as we think about leaving this coming week. Please join with us!

 

Thank you all for praying for our team! We look forward to updating you throughout the trip, and anticipating God's faithfulness in amazing ways!

the Rock that is Higher

I am listening to Laura Hackett sing...

"When I am afraid I will trust in you,
when I'm overcome, I will cling onto the Rock that is Higher...."

I cannot help but think about climbing, of course. We went to Horsetooth Reservoir yesterday morning for a quick couple hours of climbing. Just Austin and I.

We began on ropes, situated next to a lovely group of high schoolers. I can't help but think about those years for me, as I heard things come out of their mouths that were meant for deep, unknown approval and awkwardly returned with a laugh or "uhhh...dude look at this hold". Why did we waste so much time in high school seeking affirmation of our friends? Oh wait, I still do that. Uhh...dude, look at this hold.

Austin climbing at horsetooth in ft. collins. He ended up killing this problem with ease.

Anyway, we ended up moving to some bouldering, which for Austin was way more fun and productive. It was just about 92 degrees, but atop those rocks it felt like 100. We had a blast. I had this moment as I was attempting a problem, where I grabbed onto a small, jutting hold that stuck out like a nose on the wall. I couldn't help but think, will this tiny thing really hold me? Like all the other times, it sure did. I get to the top of finishing a problem, even on the smallest of boulders, and I am amazed at the steadfastness of the rock. I never thing it will wash away with a storm, or be moved away by a wind or shove.

I guess thats why we should build our house on the rock, not the sand. The Lord is the rock on which we stand. He ain't goin' nowhere. And He is super fun to explore.

A view of a boulder at horsetooth, this was taken a few months back. It is beautiful to climb next to such beautiful water.

Enjoy an adventure today!