Uprooted

I have this great desire to be a consistent blogger, but I have to remind myself that nothing seems to be consistent in my life right now- I am thankful to remember to shower 2 days in a row. Although the past month has been a whirlwind, our life is beautiful. We can see God's hand over us more and more clearly as it looks less and less like what we planned. 

Over a year ago, I would have expected to be married at this point, but that is about it. Austin and I are now moved back in with my parents (wonderful ones they are to take us back in on such short notice) after finding out that we would need to be out by the end of the month (december). We figured out, Austin has moved 8 times in the past year and a half. And I have moved at least 3 times. Wow! We are certainly getting good at this thing! It is exhausting, as most everyone knows, but we really are enjoying the process of being uprooted. The more we move, the less material things we hold onto, and the less we look into acquiring in planning for future moves. God really is sinking deep within us that this is not our true home. We belong with Him. We are learning to be comfortable wherever we are. Today, we plopped down on my parent's upstairs couch- all of our things left behind in a storage unit- but we were content! We finally have internet, for goodness sake! This is a good day. The Lord is faithful, and we are thrilled. Tired, but thrilled. 

Our home, once again, packed up into boxes. Humbling to remember not to hold too tightly to things that can fit in a box.

As I said, we plopped ;) 

More to come soon on the adventures of the past month...

Our First Holiday

   Today is a sobering day. I woke up this morning aware of the day's pending festivities...wondering how I could ever express my thankfulness to the God who created me, gave me new Life and a new family. As a new earthly family, Austin and I want our legacy to be more than just traditions of over-eating and sleeping in, though the break is a much welcomed one. The first words out of my mouth this morning were, "Austin, what will we do as a family...knowing that the Indians were mal-treated and yet God has provided us this land, but should we, ya know, like study Indians and pray for them...or what should we do?!" Austin is learning that I wake up with my mind going a mile a minute, but no filter to make sense of it all.

   We know life didn't "begin" when we got married less than 3 weeks ago, but sometimes it feels like it when learning how to do all the normal things of life with another person. We are in Nashville, Tennessee for Thanksgiving, celebrating our first big holiday as a new family. We are so excited to be spending time with both of our families this week and into the weekend, but what will we do as we now form our own traditions? Will we focus our gaze on Christ in the midst of a chaotic holiday season? These are the questions before me as I sit in the silence before the storm of family gatherings later today.

    This is really the first time Austin and I have been able to sit down and decompress since returning from the wedding and honeymoon. We have had a great couple of weeks merging our lives into one home, and getting back into the swing of work and preparing for upcoming ministry in Denver. What a joy it has been to spend my days and nights with this wonderful man that God has given me. He teaches me daily of the Lord's grace and leadership. I am honored to fall under his leadership. I just looked over to Austin and asked, "What is one thing you have learned so far in being married?" He breathes a heavy sigh, as I can see his wheels turning. He brings his hands together, eyebrows go up...his "message" face is on. He has something profound to say. "The one thing I have learned is how unprepared I am to be a good husband. Every decision I made before we got married was for me. Now I consider you in everything. Everything I do effects you. I am learning that my call is to shepherd and guide you as my wife." I love this man. He has a way of bringing things back to the root, or should I say the Vine. He has a great way of communicating our place as the branches, as Christ is the Vine. I have learned that as we stay connected to the Vine, my call to serve, love, and submit to my husband really comes easier than I thought. It is a joy to be done the way God designed it. I am not exactly sure how to express these things yet, but in due time the Spirit will show it. More to come.

   Back to Thanksgiving. I pray that God would direct our hearts to the things that He delights in today. Holiday or not, this is our prayer each day. How merciful of our God to not give us what we deserve today, but instead gives us Life in His family. This alone gives me thankfulness in my heart- and I know Austin agrees, and may we have the chance to express this to our families today.

Early Morning in East Tennessee

Daybreak has quickly become my favorite part of the day. Each morning I wake up, easier than I ever have in my life, walk quietly down the stairs to a room closed in to the rest of the world. I start opening the blinds to the some ten windows downstairs in the home I grew up in, each letting in the subtle sunlight that brings me such hope and excitement of a new day. As I head toward the back of the house, I open the blinds of three key windows which give me a new smirk and light to my eyes every time. The view of our backyard could not be more beautiful at 7 am. The sun peaks through the sloping field with orange haze as it hits the fence line, not atypically lined with horses and dew. I cannot help but praise God for His renewed mercies, asking Him to renew my mind as I start a new day.
Days can be hard in this season as we trust God to raise all of our financial support through friends, relatives, business connections, new acquaintances, etc. Getting to Denver is a journey in and of itself, learning how to wait on the Lord for His provision. Some days hold great promise, while others continue the waiting game. I have a hard time being still in general, but God has caused my heart to be ok with less structure and a faith-based dependence (as opposed to a merit-based, competitive lifestyle). Our days are not dictated by a definite schedule or even what I can achieve on my to-do list. My heart wants to feel guilty when the bulk of my work for the day happens over a span of 1 hour. It just about kills me not to work an 8-10 hour day, striving and throwing my accomplishments at God's feet.
Yet, in these early mornings, God reminds that He "desires mercy, not sacrifice." Austin and I have recently started studying the book of Hosea. Constantly reminded of looking to other gods to provide for me, the Lord reminds me that it was, is, and will be Him who provides. Jehovah Jireh. Our Provider. He desires mercy, not sacrifice. We cannot earn our lot in life, just like we cannot earn our salvation. How freeing. How confusing in the midst of this world. Yet, I'll go with whatever Jesus says. Even if it's upside down.
The daybreak, new dew on the ground, subtle orange sunlight tipping over the ridge-spilling into our humble valley in east tennessee. Jesus, pour your mercy into my heart like this valley. Remind me of our constant mercy and provision. May I finally get it. That you desire mercy, not sacrifice. Your mercies are new every morning.

"you're just a wal-mart baby..."

what a way to start a blog, right? most of you who know me, are quite sure I would not readily volunteer myself to be associated with wal-mart.yet, i will say there are a few things about wal-mart i enjoy and this is where i will begin my writing journey.  who has ever felt they had to be someone they were not at wal-mart? though this capitalist topper market may be unjust to its employees or sell-out the latest twilight toy for next to nothing because of labor abuse, wal-mart shopping is a great equalizer. i personally have never felt unsure of myself in a wal-mart. if you have, please tell me the story. think of it: you walk through pottery barn or j.crew...you feel pretentious. walking through a dollar general...you convince yourself you're more effected by the poverty line than is actually true. yet, in wally world...you're just you. i always hated wal-mart {and austin and i have gone to pretty great lengths to avoid it's convenience} but when i had a good friend tell me,

"kayla...you're just a wal-mart grace baby with dirty feet..."

i knew exactly what she meant. we are just a grace-dependent people on an adventure where our feet get pretty dirty along the way. God has a great way of letting us see the dirt he's cleansed us of. i love that Jesus is so relentless with us that he only desires true adventures for our hearts. and He, unlike wal-mart, knows everything that will satisfy.  wal-mart really has little to do with the great meaning of that line, but i wanted to give wal-mart a shout out simply because no one would have suspected i go there. especially first. but, i've heard it said, that truly "the first shall be last, and the last shall be first." thanks, wal-mart, for making me feel secure, and thanks, Jesus, that my feet won't be dirty anymore in heaven. share with austin and i as we journey on this new season of life- 

new transitions. new job. new city. new life. 

we look forward to letting you see how we are, truly, grace babies with dirty feet.

two grace babies | market square | 2010